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EXCUSES
Let's get past them!
Why Do we have EXCUSES?
The Temptation and the Fall of Man
Genesis 3:12
:12 Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
The ultimate excuse. MEN have been using them since the dawn of the ages. But why? Why do we make excuses? Lets see if we can take a deep dive and figure out the why and maybe we can figure out a plan to keep excuses at bay.
First Hand Account
I had a brief conversation with a friend of mine today and he posed an excuse as to why he wasnt gonna be at out F3 workouts for the nexts few weeks. Work was going to have him out of town which is plausible, but then he said his head had him down and he also had to get past that somehow. I told him that his head was making excuses and he needed to just get to it. After that conversation I started thinking about the excuse I had for why I didnt have this newsletter out on Friday morning like I had told my subscribers it would be. One of my subscribers is a good friend and he called me out and asked me why he didnt get his weekly email this morning. I told him it was going to come tomorrow (Saturday morning) because I had just flat ran out of time this week. I didnt run out of time because I didnt have time…I ran out of time because I didnt make The Strange Him newsletter priority this week. I had time last Saturday and Sunday when I could have sat down and put a draft together. I wanted to explore what “Domesticated Manliess” mean (You might remeber that from the Father’s Day newsletter.) During this past week, a fellow in our F3 workout group sent a short passage from the F3 Leadership manual called “QSource”. (I told you in the very first newlestter I was in a cult…that being F3.) I should have read the article better. If I had read it thoroughly when it first showed up, you probably would have read this newsletter Friday morning and it would have been focused on “Domesticated Manliness” instead of excuses. I will cite the excert he sent to us below. As you will read, the excert was about accountibility. While a direct opposite of an excuse is not accountable…I think the whole hope of an excuse is to reduce accountability on ones self. While this is hardly ever the case, we still try and try to use and excuse to account for our action or inaction. If we use an excuse to explain our life’s deficiencies, we are not in control of our life, our life is controlling us. I tried to used the excuse of “not enough time” for delay in the arrival of this newsletter, when in actuallity, I have never been a good planner and I get even worse when I have something bearing down on me, as is the case right now. I have a big job that I am trying to get completed and I have become hyper-focused on that one thing and have let some of my other committments slip. I have multiple things that I am supposed to be committed too yet those commitments are being tended too the least because of my over-committment. Ultimately the problem boils down to, I am not fulfilling my committments. This newsletter is a comittment from me to you MEN. This is not the only place I fail and I dare say I bet I am not alone.
How to Fullfil our Commitments
I am not going to sit hear and try and convince you that I have all the answers. I am not sure anyone does. What I will tell you is what I believe and my belief is that it starts in one’s SELF. It starts on the inner dwellings of a MAN’s soul if he has the desire to be better. Better with anything. Friends, family, peers, colleagues…can only propel and motivate us only so much. If a man does not have the internal desire to do something to which he has previously committed, he will continually make excuses why he cant make it (I am too tired) or why he cannot finish a project (I have too much going on), why his wife left him for another man (I gave her everything she wanted…except yourself), why you didnt get the promotion (I always get overlooked) and on and on an on and only pursue said committment with very little zest. A man will make excuses for everything…except for why he has to make excuses…and that is because he will not truly commit to his committments. One’s motivation must stem from deep within…then and only then can the man be leaned on and pressed by others regarding said committment.
ONCE A MAN TRULY DESIRES WITH ALL HIS BEING TO BE A MAN OF COMMITMENT, AND NOT EXCUSES, THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN HE BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE NOW HE HAS A STANDARD.
The following point on Accountability is from QSource.
QSource: The F3 Manual of Virtuous Leadership
Accountability (Q-2.5)
Submission To Standard Through Enforcement and Consequence
The HIM seeks Accountability because his life is not his own
Accountability shines the light of Hope into a man’s Blind Spots
An Effective Shield Lock provides mutual Accountability
True Accountability starts with a Standard, which is an objective measure of performance or behavior. To be Effective, it must be inarguable. If it contains any subjective wiggle-room then it is not a Standard.
Enforcement is an external force that applies a Standard. A Standard without Enforcement is like a nail without a hammer. It avails nothing. Enforcement requires the intercession of another person to measure one’s actual performance or behavior against the Standard he previously agreed to set for it. No man can hold himself Accountable.
Shame is something people naturally wish to avoid. Like other Consequences, it is an unwanted result that follows a failure to meet a Standard. If a man does not feel at least some Shame from the Enforcement of a Standard that he has failed to meet, than that Standard probably does not mean that much to him.
“When setting expectations, no matter what has been said or written, if substandard performance is accepted and no one is held accountable—if there are no consequences—that poor performance becomes the new standard.”
― Jocko Willink, Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win
How To Improve
Again, I am not saying I have all the answers but the following is the path I am see myself following:
Do I truly desire to make a change? If the answer is no, nothing following will impact your life enough to change you. Only SELF can start SELF down a path. For me personally, all my commitments may have a verbal or a “head” commitment but not all have a SELF comttiment. I need to change that.
Immerse yourself in a group of good MEN. I have a core of great MEN around me at my cult. These MEN help to keep me grounded and accountable. But as good as these MEN are, if SELF has not committed to becoming better one will continue to make excuses for those things that your head has committed to but not SELF.
Dont try to tackle all of your committments at one time. You will never be able to win. Prioritize the value of your commitments. Committments you deem high priority, immerse yourself in, make yourself better, pull others in around you that will help you stay focused and want you to succeed. Make NO EXCUSES. Mid level committments, write them down, put that list away and dont involve yourself with them for a period of time. Dont do anything. Step away, remove yourself…one less excuse. Re-visit that committment list sometime later…6 months, a year…whatever you deem right. You might find that none of these “committments” needed you (or vice versa) or you might find one or two that you need to have in your life. If you do find one that demands to be in your life, start treating that committment just like your other high priority commitments…fully engaged!! If you have low-level committments in your life…remove them. They are nothing more than an anchor. Too often in life we overextend ourselves…why? These overextensions are often the driving force behind our excuses. Like a good friend of mine (outside of my cult) told me. “No is a perfectly good answer.”
Once you feel a commitment is something you effortlessly perform daily and it has become more of a voluntary habit, then add another committment, but not before. Remember, dont overextend!!
For new, big committments you want to try and achieve, set a target date at least a year in advance before even trying. Big committments attempted with short timelines do not give SELF enough time for preparation and will only succeed in giving you an excuse for why you didnt follow through and succeed.
Commit to do some hard things in your life. Not every commitment has to be hard, but when you commit and follow through on those hard committments it does something to a mans psyche. It gives SELF a sense of confidence that everything will be fine in the end. Andrew Huberman says “The reason to deliberately do hard things is so that when non-self-elected challenges arrive (and they will), you can tell yourself: “I don’t know how this is all going to turn out, but I am certain I can do hard things.” Don’t self-injure. But doing hard things is always worthwhile.”
Set consequenses for yourself when you falter on a committment. Be the MAN you need to be and step up and take on whatever consequense you have set for yourself. If you need your core group to help with this, let them know. If they are a true core group, they will take the task seriously in order to help you grow.
Click the link below, if you have not already subscibed.
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You know I am going to have to link to my cult. If you need a group of MEN around you that will help you grown and enrich your life, find an F3 group. there are in the neighborhood of 4600 groups that meet around the country. Hopefully one is near you and you can find men that need you as much as you need them.
F3 Nation - Fitness | Fellowship | Faith ®
F3 is a national network of free, peer-led workouts for men. Our mission is to plant, grow and serve small workout groups for men for the invigoration of male community leadership.
This is a link to the QSource I mentioned previously. There is a ton of viable information in QSource for MEN to help them grow.
F3 Nation QSource Virtuous Leadership Manual and Resources - F3 Nation
F3 QSource Manual of Virtuous Leadership and Framework to become a Virtuous Leader, one that leaves a Legacy behind and truly makes an Impact on the world.
If you dont know where to look to do something hard…look no farther. GORUCK has you covered. GORUCK does more than create world class rucks, but they put together world class events that will challenge you as much as you want to be challenged.
Find an Event
GORUCK builds the best, toughest rucking gear to equip the rucking revolution — we force multiply through training, Events, and GORUCK Clubs that empower real world communities in service to something greater than themselves.
This is something I have committed myself to for 2025. When registration opens up, I will be one of the first to sign up. I hope my cult follows suit but if it is just me…it will be just me.
The Proving Ground
To reveal every detail of The Proving Ground mission would be cheating you out of your full potential to grow.
Not all committments have to be about fitness. This is a committment about my finances. At the beginning of this year(2024), my wife and I made a comittment to become debt free with our only outstanding debt being our house and then start knocking on that door. As it stands we should be consumer debt free in about 2 years. Not everyone will agree with how to become debt free or that this way I am linking to will work for you, but everyone does agree that being debt free is a great thing. I dont make a dime off of promoting this but this is what my wife and I are doing and we are already seeing a difference.
A Proven Plan for Financial Success | RamseySolutions.com
Learn to budget, beat debt, save and invest with Ramsey Solutions, founded by Dave Ramsey, bestselling author, radio host and America’s trusted voice on money.
Remember, the way this newsletter grows is by help from you. You can to subscribe or if you are a subscriber and know a MAN who would like this content, copy this link and email it to him. We at The Strange Him thank you for staying here until the end. Stay Strange my friend!
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